I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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