Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
