There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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