okay pat passed out under dana's car
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
