whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
