My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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