i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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