youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
