I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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