He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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