So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
