I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
