and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize