Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
