It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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