Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
