I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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