In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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