I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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