Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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