my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
