I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
