2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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