so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
