The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
