So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
