I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
