I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
