does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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