dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
