After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
