he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
