I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
