uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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