Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
