She is in my trunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
