i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize