You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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