look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize