I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize