The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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