I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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