Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
