I'm gonna have a badass scar
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize