google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
