I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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