he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
