I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
