don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
