Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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