Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
