She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize