we have pet lesbian snakes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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