I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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