...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
