mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
