I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
