allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
