Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
