Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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