She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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