well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
