Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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