You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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