Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
