Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
