i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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