haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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