Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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