Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
