Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
