do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
