Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This toilet bowl is my home.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
