Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
