ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
