Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
