"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
