I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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