I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this just has baby written all over it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
