So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
