She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
