just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
