went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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