College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
