And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
