I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
