i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
