he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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