Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
