Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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