Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How drunk are you?
Completed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
