you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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