If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
